Unit 6: Functions - Expressing Apology and complaining

 

The Art of Expressing Apology

Introduction

Apologizing is a fundamental aspect of human interaction, representing acknowledging a mistake or wrong committed and expressing remorse for the pain or harm caused to another person¹. It is an act of humility, compassion, and strength that can mend relationships, foster understanding, and pave the way for personal growth¹.

What is an Apology?

An apology is a sincere expression of regret and remorse for our actions or words that have caused harm, hurt, offense, or inconvenience to another individual or group¹. It is a way to take ownership of our mistakes and acknowledge their impact on others¹.

Why is Apologizing Necessary?

Apologizing is essential for several reasons:

1. Restoring Trust: When trust is broken due to our actions, apologizing can be crucial to rebuilding that trust¹.
2. Strengthening Relationships: Apologies can deepen connections between individuals by fostering open communication and empathy¹.
3. Personal Growth: Recognizing our mistakes and offering apologies allows us to reflect on our actions, leading to personal growth and development¹.
4. Healing Emotional Wounds: Apologies can be incredibly healing for those who have been hurt¹.

How to Apologize Genuinely

For an apology to be effective, it has to be genuine². A successful apology validates that the other person felt offended, and acknowledges responsibility (you accept that your actions caused the other person pain)². You want to convey that you truly feel sorry and care about the person who was hurt, and promise to make amends, including by taking steps to avoid similar mishaps going forward².

According to the late psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Lazare, an apology expert and former chancellor and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, a good apology has four elements²:

1. Acknowledge the offense: Take responsibility for the offense, whether it was a physical or psychological harm, and confirm that your behavior was not acceptable².
2. Explain what happened: The challenge here is to explain how the offense occurred without excusing it².
3. Express remorse: If you regret the error or feel ashamed or humiliated, say so: this is all part of expressing sincere remorse².
4. Offer to make amends: For example, if you have damaged someone’s property, have it repaired or replace it².

Conclusion

Apologizing can be challenging for various reasons, often stemming from deeply ingrained emotional and psychological factors¹. However, with practice and the right resources, it becomes easier to understand and use correctly. Remember, the key to mastering the art of apology is understanding the context and making the appropriate changes in verb tenses.

References

¹: Success Consciousness ²: Harvard Health